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I think that by this point, we're all aware that my girlfriend, Amber, is completely crazy. She suffers from some kind of modified OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) whereby everything that possibly involves me has to be clean, but anything involving just her - not so much. (See similar stories of crazy over at Ron's site, hosted on this server.) For instance, if I make the bathroom/bedroom/kitchen messy, then I get yelled at and have to clean it up. (She doesn't get as angry at this as she did before, as I presume my constant barrage of mess has dulled her senses) However, her car is allowed to be a total filthbag at all times. There have often been times that I have been unable to put my feet on the floormat on the passenger side because there was too much accumulated rubbish blocking my way. Instead, I was forced to rest my feet on the floating pile of empty water bottles, mail and gum and food wrappers, hoping that they wouldn't be swallowed under. C'est la Amber. This is only a minor annoyance however, as I do my best to avoid her car. Her craziness becomes unavoidable whenever I attempt to go to sleep. As I am a night owl (I know that this fits in spectactularly with my chosen profession) (I'm a fish-monger, if you must know) (No, "monger does not mean that, it means "seller"), I get to bed well after Amber has turned in for the night. Every time I attempt to actually get under the sheets, I have to spend the first two minutes untangling the the sheet and blanket from her wrapped cocoon. Not so much a "clean" crazy here as it is an inconsiderate crazy. She steadfastly refuses to tuck the sheets in, and even untucks them when I try to make the bed. Knowing full well that in a few hours I will be coming to bed - and needing sheets - she hoardes them all for herself. If I attempt to tuck them in to keep at least 1/4th of a sheet on my half of the bed, she immediately kicks them out, declaring, "My feet have to be free!" Yup, crazy. Back to the clean unavoidable crazy. First, she cannot use a towel or facecloth more than once, which results in huge amounts of laundry. Personally, I use a towel until I find the smell overwhelming, but I'm a heathen. Second, she only uses pillowcases for four days. Why four? Because after one night, she flips it over. Next night, she flips it back and finally - back again to the second side. Two alternating nights for each side of the pillow. Then it must be changed. Crazy, but whatever. Here's where it gets weird. If you're obsessed with cleanliness, one would think that after a pillowcase becomes "unclean" (see Leviticus 15:26), that it would have to be discarded to the laundry pile and replaced by a new one? Right? And she does get a new pillowcase. However, she slips it over the existing pillowcase! This makes no sense! If you're a clean freak, why would you want an unclean pillowcase only an 1/8th of an inch of flimsy 80 count material away from your face? The only reason I could possibly come up with justifying this behavior is that she feels its a time saver to not remove the old pillowcase. But a timesaver? Congratulations, Amber. By not removing this pillowcase now, you've saved ten seconds! If you die before you have to take both pilowcases off, losing your ten second gain, you'll be ten seconds up on the universe! It's forward thinking like that that will create the productivity necessary to revive this economy and maybe get me a job again. Again, nuts. P.S. The NCAA Basketball orgy has been in full swing. The CBS digital channel, which I receive over my HD box, is simulcasting all of the first and second round games, allowing me to flip between all live games for free. You can buy this package for about $60 from DirecTV, or get it over your antenna for free. Well, by free I mean after you spend $250 on the box necessary to receive it. P.P.S. It looks like I'll be getting my HD TiVo by the beginning of May, at which point I will no longer have to ever leave the house. Good times.